I have a distinct memory from years ago where a girl who "slept around" entered the church I went to at that time. I remember thinking "what is that whore doing in a church?". I was 17, knew a all the "Church 101" things, and loved Jesus, even though I don't think I was mature or focused enough to really understand much more than these surface things. It was hypocracy at it's finest because I had even had sex at that point But it wasn't "as bad" as what she was doing because at least I wasn't sleeping around. At least I didn't dress that way. At least I didn't do drugs or drink. I felt fit to pass judgement, although the 1 sermon I've given was on not judging.
Why would I give a sermon like that? I had a guilty conscience. I had a secret that I kept, except to my very closest of friends…and I even wound up going back and saying I had changed my mind. I remember the realization of this secret a few years before, at another church, and breaking down and becoming a blubbering moron because I thought I was going to hell. And I had begged and pleaded with the Lord to change this, anything but this. I was so astoundingly devestated. Because unless you're a murderer or rapist, nothing is worse to a church than being one of the LGBT. For me, specfically, bisexual. But I tucked it away, denied it, therefore continuing to be a good Christian.
Something eventually changed after spending hours a day in silence. (short Army stint) But I made the choice to no longer live dishonestly. So, when I came home, I came out. Which elicted every reaction from "ok, whatever" to "you're going to hell". I have heard the term "Jesus loves the sinner and hates the sin" so many times by now that after typing it a few seconds ago, I will never say it again. I continued to go to the church, but it eventually just wasn't a good fit anymore. I couldn't go to another church though, knowing that if I were "out" in the church, I would meet heavy opposition and judgement. Knowing that all they would want to do was change me and my "sinner" lifestyle.
I wasn't wrong, if you were wondering, about how various places would react. I told one pastor I didn't feel welcome in his church and that he repelled those in need rather than attracting them. From what I have heard, things have changed a bit there. Another church I walked out of when the pastor went on a serious rant about the liberals and homosexuals. I told the kid who invited me that I would never step foot in that place again. He never spoke to me again, by the way.
So the one who was fit to judge someone for being a sinner and coming to church was now the one being judged for being a sinner and afraid to go to church. How fitting.
Take a look at this, here. http://epistle.us/articles/immoralwoman.html It is the story of Luke 7:36-50, where Jesus deals with people like this. A Pharisee (pretty much the religious elite) who is judgemental towards Jesus for allowing a "sinful woman" to come near him. Jesus turns the tables back on the Pharisee who feels himself fit to judge.
God works in interesting ways. I do now have a wonderful church. While I know the pastor and I are not in agreement about LGBT being sinful, he has never made me feel condemned. (it was never about having someone "agree" with me) I have made it a goal never to shame someone, and never to exclude extending an invite to someone because of their lifestyle. No one should feel too ashamed, embarrassed, or judged to enter into a church. Or community that is to be centered around the same God who, in the above story, showed love and compassion without hesitation to the "lowest of the low" without making her feel that way.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
I'm a Feminist Here's What I Mean
What is Feminism to me? Most people hear the "F Word" and automatically picture a militant woman with a shaven head, boots, who hates men. I was in the military, and I'm rather mouthy, but I'm not so rigid. I have pretty long hairI do like boots, but prefer ballet slippers, and I definitely don't hate men. I hate what society has made both (or all) genders to be. Feminism to me is the same as egalitarianism. Equality between the genders. And while progress has been made, it has most definitely not been reached. And it effects EVERYONE.
I'm not going to go into great details on each of my reasons…each of them would deserve their own entry. But with violence against women, few woman in politics, sex trafficking, women still being judged by what they wear or look like more than the concepts in their minds, (including it being used as reasons she "wanted it" when she was raped…happens a lot) churches continuing to hold back woman from being leaders in churches, loosing your virginity making you unworthy for marriage, pay gaps, being cat called by some dude looking at you like a steak, magazines usually featuring some story about how to "get a man" or "please a man" as though that is our be all end all mission (next mission being popping out babies, of course!)….I'm really just warming up here.
In the US, women are allowed to vote, get jobs, and we're actually supposed to have the same value as men in society. Yet all of the factors above still effect us. Feminism effects men in many ways as well. Men do, after all, come into contact with women quite frequently in their lives. And having an unbalanced testosterone dominated society is what causes most of the issues related to feminism. It is men who create most rapes and domestic abuse incidents, most violence in general. And how many times do you see a guy cry? Pretty much never. Under the same testosterone pumped society, it's unmanly. Think of all the things that one would consider to be "unmanly" and you can bet that's where it came from. Not to mention that when we're using male leadership and dominance, we miss out on the other piece of the puzzle, a woman's wisdom.
We're designed to be each other's "helpmates", which I know is supposed to mean spouses, but to me it means that males and females help each other. Where one is weaker, the other is stronger. We help each other. Working together and respecting each other, as equals, can only be a good thing. That, to me, is feminism. Would you like some resources? Well, whatever your answer, I have some anyway. :)
www.nomas.org (National Organization for Men Against Sexism)
www.feminist.com/
www.feministing.com (my favorite)
http://happyfeminist.typepad.com/happyfeminist/2006/01/feminism_is_not.html
Any topics related that you have questions on? Let me know and I'll find something for you. :)
I'm not going to go into great details on each of my reasons…each of them would deserve their own entry. But with violence against women, few woman in politics, sex trafficking, women still being judged by what they wear or look like more than the concepts in their minds, (including it being used as reasons she "wanted it" when she was raped…happens a lot) churches continuing to hold back woman from being leaders in churches, loosing your virginity making you unworthy for marriage, pay gaps, being cat called by some dude looking at you like a steak, magazines usually featuring some story about how to "get a man" or "please a man" as though that is our be all end all mission (next mission being popping out babies, of course!)….I'm really just warming up here.
In the US, women are allowed to vote, get jobs, and we're actually supposed to have the same value as men in society. Yet all of the factors above still effect us. Feminism effects men in many ways as well. Men do, after all, come into contact with women quite frequently in their lives. And having an unbalanced testosterone dominated society is what causes most of the issues related to feminism. It is men who create most rapes and domestic abuse incidents, most violence in general. And how many times do you see a guy cry? Pretty much never. Under the same testosterone pumped society, it's unmanly. Think of all the things that one would consider to be "unmanly" and you can bet that's where it came from. Not to mention that when we're using male leadership and dominance, we miss out on the other piece of the puzzle, a woman's wisdom.
We're designed to be each other's "helpmates", which I know is supposed to mean spouses, but to me it means that males and females help each other. Where one is weaker, the other is stronger. We help each other. Working together and respecting each other, as equals, can only be a good thing. That, to me, is feminism. Would you like some resources? Well, whatever your answer, I have some anyway. :)
www.nomas.org (National Organization for Men Against Sexism)
www.feminist.com/
www.feministing.com (my favorite)
http://happyfeminist.typepad.com/happyfeminist/2006/01/feminism_is_not.html
Any topics related that you have questions on? Let me know and I'll find something for you. :)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Suffering and Comfort
Right now, the women's group that I meet with on Sunday nights are going over the Eight Beatitudes of Jesus. (Matthew 5:3-10) and this week's was:
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.
This might get hard for me to word the way I want. On the surface, this appears pretty simple. If you cry, you'll be comforted. Ta da! But, as always, these ladies are able to dig deep. What, exactly, does mourning even mean to us? Is it just when someone dies? Or when you loose something? I don't think so. I equate it to suffering. And to say you're blessed when you suffer seems almost backwards.
But I believe suffering to be a blessing, just not usually while it's happening. I can't remember off the top of my head what verse it is that says that suffering produces character. This is true. If someone has the right attitude, suffering can become a learning experience. Or that the suffering happened to prevent something worse from happening, or to make something better. There are a lot of good things that come from suffering, it's just in how you see it. And knowing that I can grow from the experience is my own comfort.
A lot of people I know think of the person they used to be, and I can see how sad they are that they were ever like that. Regret. This I would consider a good thing also, as long as you can forgive yourself at some point.
Which leads me into the "For they will be comforted" portion. How will they be comforted? What do you think of when you think of comfort? Comfort with community tends to come in the form of kindness. Hugs, making someone dinner, a place to rest your head, helping to take their mind off of the current situation, music. That is what God often sends as comfort. Each other. But I think Christians can experience a different kind of comfort.
The reason this sounds like a cliche is because it kind of is. But there's truth in cliches, right? We can be comforted differently because we know that this unmeasurable and loving father/mother is hanging out there, in control of what's going on. Like you felt comfortable with your parents, because they knew what to do. (Of course, there are exceptions to that, but you get what I mean.) And while you didn't always understand WHY your parents did what they did, you can look back in roughly 20 years and appreciate their work, or maybe you understand something that you didn't before. I understand far more about the things that my parents did now that I may have in my angst y teen years.
One of my friends expressed that they didn't feel like they had enough faith when they DIDN'T feel comforted by God in their situation. I could see her wrestling with herself. I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you. If you feel 100% ok with everything that's happening, there's probably something wrong with you. My pastor had us pray, silently, to ourselves once to have God's will be done. That was it. The whole prayer. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And I consider myself to be someone of pretty strong faith. But letting go of my own control and giving that up was nearly xanax worthy. I think my heart is in my stomach just thinking it now.
The second cliche-esque part of this is the part where I say that God forgives the worst things we have done. When I grasped that for the first time, I freaked out. I'm talking about full on, hands over the face, on my knees crying until I thought I'd puke. I'm no peach most of the time, not quite a devil but definitely not an angel.
I mean, this is the creator of the world, the painter of the sunset, maker of mountains. How can anyone be so forgiving of the things I've done? I never could be. How can someone love me enough to die for me, to forgive me, to craft me, to welcome me into Heaven someday? The comfort came later with the same sentiments. The creator of the world, the painter of the sunset, and the maker of the mountains loves me enough to die for me, forgives me, crafted me, welcomes me. What better comfort can I get?
Through my personal struggles, the internal wrestling, the dumb things I've done, I would say I've spent my fair time regretting and mourning. But through God's forgiveness and perspective, I would also say I'm pretty comforted about the way I've turned out so far. And I trust him like a parent should be trusted.
Blessings!
Lacie
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.
This might get hard for me to word the way I want. On the surface, this appears pretty simple. If you cry, you'll be comforted. Ta da! But, as always, these ladies are able to dig deep. What, exactly, does mourning even mean to us? Is it just when someone dies? Or when you loose something? I don't think so. I equate it to suffering. And to say you're blessed when you suffer seems almost backwards.
But I believe suffering to be a blessing, just not usually while it's happening. I can't remember off the top of my head what verse it is that says that suffering produces character. This is true. If someone has the right attitude, suffering can become a learning experience. Or that the suffering happened to prevent something worse from happening, or to make something better. There are a lot of good things that come from suffering, it's just in how you see it. And knowing that I can grow from the experience is my own comfort.
A lot of people I know think of the person they used to be, and I can see how sad they are that they were ever like that. Regret. This I would consider a good thing also, as long as you can forgive yourself at some point.
Which leads me into the "For they will be comforted" portion. How will they be comforted? What do you think of when you think of comfort? Comfort with community tends to come in the form of kindness. Hugs, making someone dinner, a place to rest your head, helping to take their mind off of the current situation, music. That is what God often sends as comfort. Each other. But I think Christians can experience a different kind of comfort.
The reason this sounds like a cliche is because it kind of is. But there's truth in cliches, right? We can be comforted differently because we know that this unmeasurable and loving father/mother is hanging out there, in control of what's going on. Like you felt comfortable with your parents, because they knew what to do. (Of course, there are exceptions to that, but you get what I mean.) And while you didn't always understand WHY your parents did what they did, you can look back in roughly 20 years and appreciate their work, or maybe you understand something that you didn't before. I understand far more about the things that my parents did now that I may have in my angst y teen years.
One of my friends expressed that they didn't feel like they had enough faith when they DIDN'T feel comforted by God in their situation. I could see her wrestling with herself. I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you. If you feel 100% ok with everything that's happening, there's probably something wrong with you. My pastor had us pray, silently, to ourselves once to have God's will be done. That was it. The whole prayer. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And I consider myself to be someone of pretty strong faith. But letting go of my own control and giving that up was nearly xanax worthy. I think my heart is in my stomach just thinking it now.
The second cliche-esque part of this is the part where I say that God forgives the worst things we have done. When I grasped that for the first time, I freaked out. I'm talking about full on, hands over the face, on my knees crying until I thought I'd puke. I'm no peach most of the time, not quite a devil but definitely not an angel.
I mean, this is the creator of the world, the painter of the sunset, maker of mountains. How can anyone be so forgiving of the things I've done? I never could be. How can someone love me enough to die for me, to forgive me, to craft me, to welcome me into Heaven someday? The comfort came later with the same sentiments. The creator of the world, the painter of the sunset, and the maker of the mountains loves me enough to die for me, forgives me, crafted me, welcomes me. What better comfort can I get?
Through my personal struggles, the internal wrestling, the dumb things I've done, I would say I've spent my fair time regretting and mourning. But through God's forgiveness and perspective, I would also say I'm pretty comforted about the way I've turned out so far. And I trust him like a parent should be trusted.
Blessings!
Lacie
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The Starting Point
Well, here starts the blog starts. It’s been awhile since I’ve done this! What’s going on in this little gal’s life? I’ve been in a big “purge” mode this year. I stopped hanging out with people who wanted me to be something else, and at the same time, I’ve done a pretty good job of not trying to fit whatever mold was put in front of me to be.
I was extremely unhappy with my life, even plotting an impromptu move across country. (Which will still happen, the timing of which is not yet established. Probably a few years.) So I prayed a lot. And the Lord has come through for me a lot. I got my dream car, planted a garden, traveled, and now I’m getting rid of so much physical stuff that’s been stockpiling in and around my home for year and actually taking responsibility for the things I’ve been given. Stewardship was never one of my strong points, and God’s definitely working with me on it.
Right now a lot of things are in the works: making my yard somewhat presentable, growing my own food, learning food foraging, and creating an office for myself. In other words, I’m clearing everything out so that I can reach my maximum potential as a Christian, a Feminist, and a bisexual woman.
Which reminds me, I’ve been both too assertive and cared too much about what other people though when it came to my sexuality. Because I know a couple of people saw “bisexual” and went “WHAT??????” because I’ve pushed very firmly that I am gay. My preference is women, hands down but I always said that because I get seriously annoyed with the follow up questions, so just saying “gay” really made it easier. Taking the heat from my family for even liking the same gender was bad enough, but to take heat from the same community that I was able to take refuge in was unbearable. The gay community itself is very hostile to bisexual women because of all the “experimenters”. Not only that, but if I said bisexual, people would automatically assume I’d still wind up with a man for the rest of my life.
I guess I had preferred that people believe I’m absolutely going to marry a woman, and marry a man then disappoint people who always believed I’d marry a man and wind up marrying a woman. But I’m “coming out” now as a bisexual, because, as I said at the beginning of this blog, I’ve started to do a pretty good job of not trying to fit into the mold that may have been more convenient to other people. It’s MY sexuality, and I have to work on understanding that what other people say about it is truly irrelevant.
Now, back to my projects. I have always been pretty good about being a vocal feminist. The cliché “actions speak louder than words” is a cliché for a reason, though. While my intentions were good, speaking seemed to be the only thing I COULD do. I was educated on the issues, with no understanding of what to do to help. That, and, the issues seem so broad and huge to tackle. What diplomat is going to listen to my wimpy e-mail about sex slavery? I’ve definitely looked over a lot of things. My focus on DOING is going to be more local. Once I’ve established an ability to do good things within my own community, I can begin compiling my resources for more. I think baby steps will help a lot more than wanting to be superwoman. That is why I’m setting up an office and organizing my life.
Right now I’m working on a project to compile data about sexual misconduct in colleges in Iowa. I am learning their policies for sexual conduct, and how they actually put it in action. Also researching some of the best-rated sexual conduct policies throughout the states and seeing how we can apply them to our own schools. I am hoping to align myself with various women’s groups around campus to make policy changes and EDUCATE people on the existing, and any new policies. Think about it…are you a woman in college? Do you know who to go to if you are harassed, abused, or raped? Do you know what you medically should and should not do? Would you be afraid to go to someone? If so, why, and what can we do to fix it? Even if I get shut down and nothing happens at all, I at least can get my feet wet and know what I should and should not do for the next time, so I want to remain encouraged.
The next portion is organizing a male-inclusive feminist group. Actually, that should probably come first, come to think of it. In any case, I want to provide people with the opportunities to talk about being a woman, or your relationship to woman, and how you are impacted by woman’s issues. I want people to be able to discuss, come up with ways to act, celebrate, and connect. We’re talking everyone sits around with a beer and talk, nothing super formal.
I’m looking forward to actually keeping this blog! It’s going to be both personal and professional. You can follow my adventures, my views, and watch as I change if you feel me interesting enough to do so. J
I was extremely unhappy with my life, even plotting an impromptu move across country. (Which will still happen, the timing of which is not yet established. Probably a few years.) So I prayed a lot. And the Lord has come through for me a lot. I got my dream car, planted a garden, traveled, and now I’m getting rid of so much physical stuff that’s been stockpiling in and around my home for year and actually taking responsibility for the things I’ve been given. Stewardship was never one of my strong points, and God’s definitely working with me on it.
Right now a lot of things are in the works: making my yard somewhat presentable, growing my own food, learning food foraging, and creating an office for myself. In other words, I’m clearing everything out so that I can reach my maximum potential as a Christian, a Feminist, and a bisexual woman.
Which reminds me, I’ve been both too assertive and cared too much about what other people though when it came to my sexuality. Because I know a couple of people saw “bisexual” and went “WHAT??????” because I’ve pushed very firmly that I am gay. My preference is women, hands down but I always said that because I get seriously annoyed with the follow up questions, so just saying “gay” really made it easier. Taking the heat from my family for even liking the same gender was bad enough, but to take heat from the same community that I was able to take refuge in was unbearable. The gay community itself is very hostile to bisexual women because of all the “experimenters”. Not only that, but if I said bisexual, people would automatically assume I’d still wind up with a man for the rest of my life.
I guess I had preferred that people believe I’m absolutely going to marry a woman, and marry a man then disappoint people who always believed I’d marry a man and wind up marrying a woman. But I’m “coming out” now as a bisexual, because, as I said at the beginning of this blog, I’ve started to do a pretty good job of not trying to fit into the mold that may have been more convenient to other people. It’s MY sexuality, and I have to work on understanding that what other people say about it is truly irrelevant.
Now, back to my projects. I have always been pretty good about being a vocal feminist. The cliché “actions speak louder than words” is a cliché for a reason, though. While my intentions were good, speaking seemed to be the only thing I COULD do. I was educated on the issues, with no understanding of what to do to help. That, and, the issues seem so broad and huge to tackle. What diplomat is going to listen to my wimpy e-mail about sex slavery? I’ve definitely looked over a lot of things. My focus on DOING is going to be more local. Once I’ve established an ability to do good things within my own community, I can begin compiling my resources for more. I think baby steps will help a lot more than wanting to be superwoman. That is why I’m setting up an office and organizing my life.
Right now I’m working on a project to compile data about sexual misconduct in colleges in Iowa. I am learning their policies for sexual conduct, and how they actually put it in action. Also researching some of the best-rated sexual conduct policies throughout the states and seeing how we can apply them to our own schools. I am hoping to align myself with various women’s groups around campus to make policy changes and EDUCATE people on the existing, and any new policies. Think about it…are you a woman in college? Do you know who to go to if you are harassed, abused, or raped? Do you know what you medically should and should not do? Would you be afraid to go to someone? If so, why, and what can we do to fix it? Even if I get shut down and nothing happens at all, I at least can get my feet wet and know what I should and should not do for the next time, so I want to remain encouraged.
The next portion is organizing a male-inclusive feminist group. Actually, that should probably come first, come to think of it. In any case, I want to provide people with the opportunities to talk about being a woman, or your relationship to woman, and how you are impacted by woman’s issues. I want people to be able to discuss, come up with ways to act, celebrate, and connect. We’re talking everyone sits around with a beer and talk, nothing super formal.
I’m looking forward to actually keeping this blog! It’s going to be both personal and professional. You can follow my adventures, my views, and watch as I change if you feel me interesting enough to do so. J
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